The last few days have been all over the place some of them have been good and some of them have been bad but even on the bad days I never ever doubt that I did the wrong thing by having you. The bad days are only bad because I want so much to do the right thing by you and breastfeed you for at least the first six months of your life and some days its just really hard as you get frustrated and hot or tired and you don't feel like trying to feed from me. I understand though, the last thing I would want when it is hot outside is to be that close to another hot body and it must be frustrating for you having got use to bottles to suddenly have to work for more of your food then you usualy do. Yesterday was one of the worse days but we got through it just like we will get through any more bad days that come our way.
The highlight of the last few days was that my brother, your Uncle Luke came down to visit us and spent a few days here. Before he got here I didn't know how he would be with you but he fell in love with you as soon as he saw you and was stopping to kiss you or hug you everytime he walked past. I have photos of him with you and they are beautiful photos. He was so worried about you, asking all the time if you were okay and when you were sleeping, stopping to check that you were still breathing. I hope that he comes and visits us again soon but he lives quite a distance away so it may be a while before he can get down again. Even if he doesn't come down very often just know that Uncle Luke loves you very very much my little man.
Today you have been so good, I have worked out that if I give you a few mouthfuls of your bottle before nursing you that you show more interest in drinking from me and suck for longer then you would if I put you straight there, i think that when you first wake you are so hungry that all you can think is 'want food now' and in your frantic attempt to get my breast in your mouth and feed you don't latch on so good which frustrates you and causes you to cry and cry and cry but if we give you that little bit of bottle first you have a tiny bit in your belly and are able to try harder to nurse with me.
We have taken so many photos of you little man, every day we take more, I just can't help myself you are so beautiful and I don't want to miss a moment of your life, before I know it you will be all grown up and I will be wondering where all that time went. Here are some of the photo's from the last few days that I like the best. My favorite is the one with you and dad asleep in our bed, you look so happy and content in your fathers arms. I wonder if you feel as safe in his arms as I do?
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