My beautiful little boy, where does the time go? I look at you and I see a little boy, not so much a toddler anymore but growing, learning and changing day by day. Where did the tiny baby I held in my arms for the first time all those months past go? I love seeing you discover the world, learn new things and do new things, I remember when I celebrated every new word you said and now words are becoming longer and longer sentences and you understand so much more now that we even have conversations. You get so excited about so many things and I love seeing the joy on your face when you first see me in the morning or when I pick you up from dads. I love hearing the happiness in your voice when you say mummy or tell me that you love me. You make me smile with so many of the things you do every day. Watching you play with your trains and spaceship, ride your trike, chase the dog or kick a ball is teaching me about a world that I forgot existed, a world where for a time we live in that moment and not focus on what has been or what is to come I love you so much my beautiful little boy and I'm so proud to be your mother, to honoured that I can watch you grow and slowly help guide you in life to the man you will one day be. We took you to the zoo for the first time this week and you loved it. You loved looking at all the animals and a lot of them had babies that you were so excited to see. Your favourite animal was the sun bears and you also liked the zebra and owls. You saw two zebras standing together and made us laugh when you pointed at them and told us that they were daddy and grandma, later when you saw a monkey with its baby you tried to tell me that the baby monkey was the baby that is in my womb now. In roughly nine weeks your little sister will be born and I worry every day about how this change will impact you. I wonder what what sort of brother you will be and I hope that you will love her and be her friend as the two of your grow up together. I feel so much guilt over turning your life upside down, you didn't ask for this and you have no idea yet how much life for all of us is going to change once she is born. I hope that you never wonder if mummy still loves you, hope that you don't feel like we are trying to replace you. I am going to strive to be the best mummy I can and never ever leave you wondering if I love you. I can't wait until you come home from daddy's tomorrow, I miss your hugs and smile when you are not here with me. Love always Mummy

Dear Samuel, What a topsy turvy few months we have had my little man. Mummy was so sick for months that I wasn't able to do much more then sit on the couch and watch you play, I hated that little man and cried so many tears over it when you were asleep, all I wanted was to be able to play with you, run around with you and make sure you knew that I loved you, instead morning sickness left me almost bedridden and vomiting so many times a day that I had nothing left inside. Just as the morning sickness let up we had a massive scare when the hospital told us that the baby I am carrying was at high risk for down syndrome. That threw our world into a spin and I had to have more tests that have means for the next few weeks I'm not allowed to lift you up and I have to be very careful when we are playing but at least now I can play and interact with you more my beautiful boy. The tests from e hospital have come back fine, the baby is all okay and your going to have a little sister. You have grown up so much in the last month, you are now starting to talk in sentences, can count to twenty, know your colours, most animals and some of your shapes. Daycare has told me that you are quite advanced for your age and even the three year olds are not doing half of what you are doing now. You are so clever little man and I'm so proud to be your mummy. When you look at me and say I love you mummy my heart just melts and sometimes you come out with the funniest things like telling me no problem mummy when I have just told you off for something. I am loving being your mummy and watching you grow and learn. I can't wait to see you with your little sister, to watch you grow together and watch you help her learn about the world around her, I know you are going to make an awsome big brother but you will still always be my little baby boy. I love you always Mummy

A big piece of news

My beautiful little man, Everyday you grow bigger and smarter, every day you surprise us with new words and now sentences as well. Watching you develop from the tiny little weird looking alien while I was pregnant with you to my beautiful smart toddler has been the best three years of my life and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life watching you grow and mature. I have big news beautiful boy and I worry about how it's going to effect you, sorry that your going to grow up resenting me or thinking that you were not enough and that my little one could be nothing further then the truth. If you were the only child I was ever to have I could die happy and content that I had been your mother however it seems that now your not going to be the only child as we have been blessed with falling pregnant with another little one, a brother or sister for you. I can not wait to see you with your sibling and I hope that the two you love each other as much as I have loved my brother. I don't believe that in having another child my love will be halved as I think that with every child a mothers love only grows so rather then having the same amount of love to share between two, my love will grow and will double or more to be shared between you. For now though I will enjoy the time we have together just me and you before we have another little person to love and share our life with. No matter what you will always be my beautiful little man, my firstborn son and the person that taught me what love really is. Love always Mummy

Dear Samuel,
Your sick again, this time its a double ear infection and throat infection. I hate seeing you so sick, hate knowing that there is little I can do to make you better and that all I can do is hold you close, comfort you, give you your medicine and try to make you as comfortable as I can. When your sick you don't want anybody except for mummy, if anyone else touches you then you start screaming, if I leave your sight for a moment you get so upset. I knew that you weren't well when you woke up at 3am screaming but hoped that it was something minor and would better by the morning. Unfortunately you were not better by the morning and as the day continued you became more and more clingy until you woke up from your nap screaming and would only stop when in my arms in the dark bedroom. We took you straight to the doctors and sure enough it was what i suspected with an ear infection. You are now on antibiotics and are getting better but are still very clingy.

I don't mind the clinging, I don't mind it when you need your mummy because thats what my role as mummy is. I love being your mum and even on bad days I can always find something you have done that makes me smile.

Love you little man
Mummy

Another month behind us and most of the year stretching out ahead of us. This week all the activitys that I want to take you to commence again and I'm still trying to decide just which ones to do. I am thinking that we will go to mainly music at the salvation army as you love music so much that it would be good to get you back into it. I'm also thinking about a playgroup but not sure which one yet. I wanted to take you to swimming lessons but they are booked out for this term already. Given that you are in daycare two days a week while mummy studies I guess two other mornings out is enough.

Your not well today, I'm not sure exactly what's wrong but you've has a temperature all day and been very clingy as well and had little energy to do anything besides cuddle with me and watch tv. I hope that you get better soon. Nanna will be here in a week and I really don't want you to be sick for her visit.