Friday

My little man we have had a rough week, both of us have had the flu and you have been more unsettled then normal. You have not wanted to feed much, or sleep anywhere but our arms and everytime we have put you down you have screamed. Today the reason for this became clear, your first tooth has cut through the gum. You now have this tiny dot of white that is very sharp and have been trying to chew everything. With your first tooth cutting it really hits me that you are growing up so fast. You are no longer my tiny new born bubba and before I know it you won't be a baby at all but will be up and walking and taking with me, you will have dreams about your future, ideas and thoughts on how things should be and you will be your own person. It's scary to think how quickly time is passing.

With the realization that you are not a little baby anymore but are becoming a bigger baby tonight I had a moment that is almost indefinable. I was holding you, singing sweet lullabies and watching your eyes close as you drifted of to sleep and in that moment I remembered why I wanted you so much and knew that all the sleepless nights, worry and tears are worth every minute I get to spend with you.

I have been trying since your birth to put into words how much I love you and the only thing that comes close is this.
It's like when you first fall in love with someone, everything feels special, everything is heightened and you feel like when you look at them you are looking at the entire universe in miniature, it's beautiful and so fragile that you want to hold it and keep it safe from harm until your dying breath. That's how I feel about you little man. You are my world, my universe. You are part of me made whole and separate and I will protect you anyway I can for as long as I can.

Sweet dreams little man, may you always walk in the light.
Mummy.