Dear Baby,
Yesterday the results to the blood tests came back and confirmed what we already knew from the other tests, It was nice to have the blood tests confirmed, to know that this is really happening and see the estimated due date on the doctor's computer screen. The Doctor tells me that you are due around December 18th, however I know exactly when you were made and because I know exactly when you were made I know that you are really due around the 23rd December.
December now seems both so very far away while at the same time seeming like it will be here in no time at all. Our lives are about to go through the biggest change they have ever gone though and i am both excited and nervous. I can't wait to look down at you in my arms and count your little fingers and toes and know that you are the special little gift given to us by the great ones. I can't wait to watch as you grow from a tiny baby into a toddler, child and then on to being a teenager and an adult. It is a long journey my precious one but daddy and I will be there to guide you through it.
Love Mummy
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Well it's not dear Nobody anymore now it's a dear somebody or even a dear Baby.
Today I heard the two words that a little part of me thought I would never hear and they were the best two words that I have ever heard. Your're pregnant. There's so many thought swirling through my brain right now an so many emotions that I can not even begin to describe them. All my life I knew that one day I would have my own baby, that I would become the mother but as time went on and I didn't fall pregnant I began to convince myself that there was something wrong with me. To hear those words when only six months ago I was told that I may never get pregnant naturally was music to my ears.
Right now I think the best way to sum up how I am feeling is shell shocked as is Adam but I am so very very happy to at last know that I am going to be a mummy.
Today I heard the two words that a little part of me thought I would never hear and they were the best two words that I have ever heard. Your're pregnant. There's so many thought swirling through my brain right now an so many emotions that I can not even begin to describe them. All my life I knew that one day I would have my own baby, that I would become the mother but as time went on and I didn't fall pregnant I began to convince myself that there was something wrong with me. To hear those words when only six months ago I was told that I may never get pregnant naturally was music to my ears.
Right now I think the best way to sum up how I am feeling is shell shocked as is Adam but I am so very very happy to at last know that I am going to be a mummy.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Dear nobody or somebody who knows, perhaps I am writing this for a baby growing inside of me to read one day in the future or perhaps I am writing it just to cronical my TTC journey.
This month was out first month back at being able to have some fun since Adam's accidant in December and we are not really expecting anything, we haven't put any pressure on ourselves to do the deed at any particular time just when we have felt like it. This month in preparation for trying to conceive i took note of what was happening with my body, of when we did the deed and of what my CM looked like. As a result of taking note of these things I am well aware that we did the deed right when we needed too to conceive and while I am trying hard not to get my hopes up there is a little voice in the back of my mind that wonders if just maybe this month is our month. If just maybe we will at last have the greatest gift in our lives forming and taking shape inside of me. I am afraid to let myself hope though, afraid of the dissapointment that will follow if I get AF visiting this month.
One of the hardest and most annoying things about trying to conceive is that all the early warning signs of pregnancy are also symptoms of PMS. Despite knowing that I have been experiencing some symptoms that I don't usualy exprience during PMS. I have been nausea and have vomited a couple of times, Some of the foods that I usualy love I have gone of completley (Sweet stuff, rich foods, anything fatty or oiley, most meats and most carbohydrates) and just the smell of them has been enough to make me feel like I am going to vomit. Besides the food aversions and nasuea my emotions have been all over the place, my skin is breaking out in pimples (which is never does) and I have been exhausted very easily (though could that be my CFS coming back?) The biggest things that makes me wonder is that yesterday I got cramps and if I am pregnant yesterday was around the time that implantation should have happened.
Beyound the physical I have had quite a few vivid dreams all involving children, me protecting them or even one where I gave birth. If I am pregnant then the night that we conceived I had a dream that I had got pregnant and gave birth to twin boys then last night which would have been around the time in inplantation i dreamt again of being pregnant. Now I know these dreams could just be coming as a result of me really wanting a baby but what if there not? What if it is real and inside me right now cells are dividing and forming the embryo that will turn in a beautiful baby?
If my cycles were not so irregular it would make life easier. THey have ranged from 28 days to 42 over the last six months so it is really hard to know if and even when I am fertile. THis month though we did the did both when i would be fertile on a 28 day cycle and when i would be fertile on a 32 day cycle (which my cycle has been the last two months)
Now I play the waiting game, waiting to see if AF arrives, waiting to see if the cramps were just my bodies warning that AF is coming or if they were something much more.
This month was out first month back at being able to have some fun since Adam's accidant in December and we are not really expecting anything, we haven't put any pressure on ourselves to do the deed at any particular time just when we have felt like it. This month in preparation for trying to conceive i took note of what was happening with my body, of when we did the deed and of what my CM looked like. As a result of taking note of these things I am well aware that we did the deed right when we needed too to conceive and while I am trying hard not to get my hopes up there is a little voice in the back of my mind that wonders if just maybe this month is our month. If just maybe we will at last have the greatest gift in our lives forming and taking shape inside of me. I am afraid to let myself hope though, afraid of the dissapointment that will follow if I get AF visiting this month.
One of the hardest and most annoying things about trying to conceive is that all the early warning signs of pregnancy are also symptoms of PMS. Despite knowing that I have been experiencing some symptoms that I don't usualy exprience during PMS. I have been nausea and have vomited a couple of times, Some of the foods that I usualy love I have gone of completley (Sweet stuff, rich foods, anything fatty or oiley, most meats and most carbohydrates) and just the smell of them has been enough to make me feel like I am going to vomit. Besides the food aversions and nasuea my emotions have been all over the place, my skin is breaking out in pimples (which is never does) and I have been exhausted very easily (though could that be my CFS coming back?) The biggest things that makes me wonder is that yesterday I got cramps and if I am pregnant yesterday was around the time that implantation should have happened.
Beyound the physical I have had quite a few vivid dreams all involving children, me protecting them or even one where I gave birth. If I am pregnant then the night that we conceived I had a dream that I had got pregnant and gave birth to twin boys then last night which would have been around the time in inplantation i dreamt again of being pregnant. Now I know these dreams could just be coming as a result of me really wanting a baby but what if there not? What if it is real and inside me right now cells are dividing and forming the embryo that will turn in a beautiful baby?
If my cycles were not so irregular it would make life easier. THey have ranged from 28 days to 42 over the last six months so it is really hard to know if and even when I am fertile. THis month though we did the did both when i would be fertile on a 28 day cycle and when i would be fertile on a 32 day cycle (which my cycle has been the last two months)
Now I play the waiting game, waiting to see if AF arrives, waiting to see if the cramps were just my bodies warning that AF is coming or if they were something much more.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Week 6
Dear Baby,
I saw you for the first time last week, so tiny, not even the size of my little finger nail. You look like a tiny jelly bean at the moment and only measure around the 4mm mark. 4mm may not sound like a lot but when I consider that you have grown from something so much smaller then the naked eye could see to something about the size of a grain of rice in only about four weeks then I am amazed. When I stop and think of how much growing you have to do and of how quickly it happens I really am amazed by what the human body can do.
The Doctor at the scan told me that everything looks just fine, you have implanted in the right position the yolk sac which nourshes you as the placenta is forming is there and of course there is the foetal pole which is you, you just haven't formed a recognizable human shape yet but it won't be long until you do.
As for me my hormones are all over the place sometimes I am overly happy while other times I feel sad for no reason at all or feel grumpy and less tolerant of things that usualy don't bother me. My 'morning sickness' has changed from a sometimes thing to an almost constant feeling of nasuea and occassional vomiting. I am tired a lot of the time and so am just spending my days taking it easy, getting pleanty of rest and eating when I cam stomach food. I have lost almost 2kg of weight in the last two weeks though thats not surprising considering how sick I have been.
I saw you for the first time last week, so tiny, not even the size of my little finger nail. You look like a tiny jelly bean at the moment and only measure around the 4mm mark. 4mm may not sound like a lot but when I consider that you have grown from something so much smaller then the naked eye could see to something about the size of a grain of rice in only about four weeks then I am amazed. When I stop and think of how much growing you have to do and of how quickly it happens I really am amazed by what the human body can do.
The Doctor at the scan told me that everything looks just fine, you have implanted in the right position the yolk sac which nourshes you as the placenta is forming is there and of course there is the foetal pole which is you, you just haven't formed a recognizable human shape yet but it won't be long until you do.
As for me my hormones are all over the place sometimes I am overly happy while other times I feel sad for no reason at all or feel grumpy and less tolerant of things that usualy don't bother me. My 'morning sickness' has changed from a sometimes thing to an almost constant feeling of nasuea and occassional vomiting. I am tired a lot of the time and so am just spending my days taking it easy, getting pleanty of rest and eating when I cam stomach food. I have lost almost 2kg of weight in the last two weeks though thats not surprising considering how sick I have been.
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