Little man i feel bad that I haven't been writing as much to you in recent months. For the most part it's just a result of us being home often and not doing much.

We did have an adventure last week though. Grandma, Aunty Becky, the twins, Brayden, you and I all went to the beach. You loved your swim in the cool water and I even allowed you to have a taste of strawberry ice-cream which you loved.

This week has been really hot and as a result you have not been sleeping well making you cranky and tired during the day. With this crankiness you have started hurting mummy, daddy and grandma by scratching us, pinching us and pulling your hair. You may only be little but it hurts and I am reaching the end of my rope. I understand that you are doing it out of frustration. I understand that it's normal for your age but I just don't know how to teach you that it's not okay to hurt someone.

Today I snapped and gave you a little smack on the hand. Now I know other people would think that was nothing but I promised that I wouldn't smack and now I've broken that promise. The shock and hurt I saw in your eyes broke my heart little one. I'm sorry I acted in anger little man and I will try my hard to never react like that again. Next time I will just walk away for a moment and calm down.

Right now I want to say that it is NEVER okay to hurt someone because you are angry. Angel clouds your thinking and makes you do things you will later regret. Remember there is never any shame in walking away from a situation until you calm down. I did the wrong thing in smacking you regardless of the fact that it wasn't much more than a light tap. I love you little one and I'm sorry.

Love always mummy

New words

When I look at you beautiful boy I don't see the tiny baby you were a year ago anymore now I see a little boy, a toddler who is starting to explore the world, a little soul who I must guide, teach and protect and the reason that I know what love is. When I think of all the things you need to learn in the next 17 or do years I am afraid. I'm afraid I won't do a good job, afraid that i will mess up somewhere along the way and that you will resent me for it or that you won't know the things you need to be able to stand on your own two feet. I will always strive to do the best for you babyboy, strive to teach you what you need to know and always love and support you.

Tonight I sat looking through photos of you as a newborn and I am amazed at how much you have changed. To go from looking like a doll to being a little child walking on your own and starting to talk is amazing. This week you have learnt new words. To the list we already had (mum, dad, nan) we now have yes and no as well as hello and today I am sure I heard you day Brayden. Hello you learnt from grandmas pet cocky who is often saying hello. With so many new words I wonder how long it will be until we are having real conversations, until you can tell me what's on your mind, what you want or need and until I hear you say I love you mummy, I can't wait to hear those words.

Love always
Mummy.

As I type thus little man you are happily watching in the night garden. I don't particularly like letting you watch tv as I want you to learn to entertain yourself rather then switching on the tv and zoning out but I let you watch a tiny little bit most mornings so that I can eat breakfast otherwise I will not have the energy to keep up with you. You love watching in the night garden, other shows you like are Thomas the tank engine, waybulu , play school, sesame street and the wiggles.

It's been over a week since I last updated your journal my little man. Last week we had a bad week, your sleep was all over the place and you were getting up for the day before the clock even showed five am. I was so exhausted getting up that early that every-time you slept I did too but that meant I had little time left to update your journal. Not much happened last week, it was very hot so we were stuck inside and watched more tv than I would like, we went shopping on Friday and you played with your cousins over the weekend. Your new trick this week was starting to run. It seems like only yesterday you were crawling and now you are trying to run everywhere.

Anyway little man there's not much else to say right now so I am going to stop typing and come and read you a story. (yesterday we read ten of them)

Love always
Mummy.

Happy new year 2011

Happy new year little man,
Another year has come and I hope that it's a healthier, happier and more secure year for our little family. Last year was a difficult one for all of us, we experienced some really low points but throughout it all we kept going, despite what ever the universe was throwing at us you kept us going little man, kept me striving to find a home for us, kept me fighting to keep our little family together and kept me striving to make a better life for you to live. The world can be a hard place sometimes but we need to keep in mind that there is always someone worse of than us.

Your doing so well with walking now Samuel and it is now the primary way you get around, you only crawl when you want to get somewhere in a hurry the rest of the time you walk. It's kind of scary to think how much you have changed in the last year and amazes me that you are now a toddler and not so much a baby anymore.

So thank you little man for getting me through the last year. I look forward to sharing many more with you.

Love mummy