It's been a little while since I last wrote to you little man, not
because of anything you have done but because I have not been very
well. We have had a fairly big week this past week and you have
handled it quite well.

Instead of being at home day in day out a friend took the two of us
shopping. You loved riding in the infant seat on her stroller up high
where you could see everything and be facing me, I wish we had a
stroller like that for you. That was last Monday. On Tuesday I had to
go to the dentist so my friend stef watched you while i was there. It
was the first time I had left you with anybody else and was quite a
scary thing for me to do but you were so good for stef.

On Thursday we had an appointment with the paedtrician and at last we
have the reason why you have been so unwell. You have cows milk
protein allergy, lactose and soy intollerance. Now that we know what
is wrong we can do something to fix it.

Dear Samuel,
Today you are 12 weeks old. I can not beleive how quickly that time
has gone or how quickly you are changing. Sometimes I look at you and
I can see the child/teenager/adult that you are going to become and
while I hope that life treats you well and leads you down nice paths I
am not in any hurry for you to grow up. I think that no matter what
happens you will always be my baby boy and no matter how big you get I
will never forget the tiny newborn I held in my arms 12 weeks ago.

You have been better this week, your temp has gone and the bad nappy
rash is almost healed. Yesterday we went and saw the paedtrician about
your feeding issues and he beleives that you are intollerent to either
lactose or the proteins in cows milk. We have a new formula to try and
will go and see the doctor again next week to evaluate how you are
going. I really hope this works as I hate seeing you in pain and
vomiting after every feed.

Daddy and I have been discussing your school future this week. We both
want the best for you but until you are a little older we don't know
what education system will suit you. At the moment we are thinking of
sending you to a private school that has fantastic facilitys and a lot
of extra currilica activitys that you can take part in. We don't know
if private is the way to go but are looking into it to put your name
down just in case.

This week you have two new tricks. You can now roll fro
your side to your back andyour side to your stomach. As well as that
you have got really good at grasping an object and holding on to it.
You love the rattle we bought you and have been shaking it around like
mad and then getting upset when you drop it.

My little man,
Words can not even begin to describe how happy you made me today. You
were having an unsettled day where nothing was calming you for longer
then a few moments and so after trying everything else I decided to
try offering you a feed from me. To my complete amazement and
overwhelming joy you took it and quite happily fed for a good ten
minutes. I was so surprised that it worked after not putting you near
the breast in five weeks that I called to dad so that he could see as
well. I sat there with you nursing and tears of joy running down my
face content with the knowledge that it may have only worked this once
but that you wanted me and that I was boosting your immune system in
those precious moments together. Words can not begin to express the
love I have for you, a love that grows stronger day by day, week by
week. I don't think my love for you will ever stop growing and I hope
that as you grow up I am always able to make you feel loved and
supported.

Sweet dreams little man
Mummy

Dear Samuel,
Another week gone by and you are now 11 weeks old. 11 weeks with you
in my life and it's almost as though my life only began when yours
did. The time before you were here seems like a lifetime ago and a
world away from where I am today and it's a world that I am more then
happy to leave behind. I know I tell you and write this often but you
really do make me so very happy. Your smile lights up my day and makes
everything in my world seem so much brighter. I love the mornings when
I wake up with you beside me and I look down at you to find that your
already awake and smiling at me. It doesn't matter how little sleep I
may have had or how I am feeling your smile makes everything okay.

You have been unwell this week with what the doctor thinks is just an
infection so you are taking antibiotics and panadol to help keep your
fever down. You being unwell is scary for me as I feel so helpless and
know there is nothing else I can do to help you. Hopefully it won't be
long before you are better and back to your normal self.

Dearest baby boy,

You haven't been well this weekend, you've had a mild fever, a rash on
your face, stomach and nappy area and have been quite restless, your
reflux over the weekend has also been quite bad. It's frustrating for
daddy and I when your not well. Not because we are frustrated with you
but we get frustrated that there is only so much we can do to try and
make you feel better and when we have done everything in our power and
you are still unwell it makes us sad.

Honey you mean the world to me, you have given me a reason to live and
are my motivation to do everything I can to better myself and give you
the best that I can. There is so much that I want for you, so much I
want to teach you, to show you and experiences I can't wait to share
with you. You, daddy and I are going to see the world, to learn about
other cultures, to experience other ways of life. My goal is to take
you to visit all seven continents on earth. Never ever doubt that I
love you, even if you can not see me my love will be with you always.

Mummy.

My sweet little boy,
Today has been an up and down day. This morning you were so good, you
slept well and even had a nap in your bassinet. You fed well and were
happy and full of smiles, you even stopped sucking on your bottle to
look in to my eyes and grin at me. I held you on my lap and we talked
about going to visit nanna in a few weeks time. You were so happy and
cooed back at me. This evening something changed and you got really
upset, you cried and cried and nothing seemed to make it better. You
were full, you had a clean nappy and I was holding you close, rocking
you gently and talking to you softly but nothing made it better.
Eventually you fell asleep in my arms but woke again when we tried to
put you to bed. You fell asleep with daddy in the end but fell into
such a deep sleep that I became worried because nothing was waking
you. Then just as I gave you a kiss and said good night you opened
your eyes for a moment, looked at me and smiled then closed them again
and I knew you were okay. Being a mum isn't easy, I have never known
such overwhelming love combined with such fear and paranoia that
something will go wrong. It is so hard to sleep some nights because
all I want to do is sit up and watch you breathing so that I know you
are okay.

On the weekend we had a BBQ to celebrate you being here with us. A few
of our friends came and we had a nice evening with good food and good
company. Everybody loves you and everybody wanted to hold you. You
delighted all your guests with a beautiful smile and a delightful
giggle. Uncle Andrew's girlfriend was so happy that she could make you
giggle. The daughter of one of our friends was quite taken with you
and kept giving you hugs and kisses all night. So at only nine weeks
old you had your first BBQ and it was a success, well done little man.

You have learnt a new trick in the last two days, you can now roll
from your side to your back and from your back to your side. It won't
be long before you can roll all the way over. You are getting stronger
at tummy time too and can now hold your head up for quite a while
before you are tired and have had enough.

I love you my sweet boy
Mummy